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BLOG: YTC Episode 38: Silent But Deadly

Follow me on Twitter: @You_Total_Cult.

The YTC podcast can be found at http://www.chrisandphilpresent.co.uk/blogs/youtotalcult/


To many people Christmas means seeing the family, swapping gifts, rich food and plenty of booze. For myself, Christmas certainly means all of that but it is also an excuse for a bad horror movies!

This horror desire could well be down to BBC2’s strange tradition of screening random horror films late on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, or simply the fact it gets darker earlier during this season making me long for the macabre. At any rate, I seem to make time for additional time for cheap, potentially dumb, horror film over Christmas.

C/O http://craftyjournal.com/day-of-the-dead-wreath/

For 2013, I decided to put some time aside to watch some lesser-known sequels to another movie I own, the 1980’s holiday-horror film, Silent Night, Deadly Night. Although I have actually not gotten around to seeing Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 yet, when the opportunity came up earlier in the year to obtain a nifty little 3 disc set that jumps over Silent Night… 2 straight onto its three (!) further sequels I simply could not resist the purchase.


[As a quick aside, this entry is must dedicated to my watching all three of these films without knowing anything about them in advance. Oddly enough though, I do know that a fellow blogger John Squires (R.I.P. Freddy in Space) has written a considerably detailed history of all this franchise this very same Christmas.

I am intentionally not reading John’s work before watching these three movies. I want my thoughts on this trio of movies to my genuine first impressions as an uninformed viewer. Still, for anyone curious to learn more about the history of this entire franchise you can find links to Squire’s no-doubt interesting write up’s at this address.

Right, that’s enough promoting of the pro’s, now it’s back to amateur hour via my own blog.].

Come the 22nd of December 2013, I had the DVD set in hand, a black Santa hat on my head, and a Silent Night Deadly Night shirt on my belly. So I was all set finally time to assess the Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 3-5 set

silent night blog

Let’s get it on!!!

Silent Night Deadly Night Part 3: Better Watch Out!


Boy, did they nail the second part of this title… but I’ll get back to this later. Bonus points for adding the ‘!’ into the actual title, though.

OK, a small amount of back story is required to fill in this particular movie. In the first Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) the lead character is Billy Caldwell. As a boy, Billy witnesses his parents killed by a convict dressed as Santa (alongside some additional X-rated, X-mas traumas over different years of development). Billy and his younger brother Ricky end up in Orphange.

Eventually Billy ends up snapping as a young adult. Donning a Santa outfit he sets out to kill anyone he doesn’t like over a festive period. Billy ends up gunned down by the police in front of Ricky.

Starring ‘Billy’ as Santa!

Consequently, the equally-traumatised Ricky ends up the Santa-clad killer in Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2. Although I have not seen Part 2, Part 3 makes this clear through a combination of stock footage and exposition-filled dialogue.

So Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! Takes place with the set-up that Ricky Caldwell was a killer St. Nick who ended up gunned down by the police and was presumed dead.

Co-starring ‘Ricky’ as Santa!

Rookie mistake! It is always a terrible assumption that any Slasher has been dispatched in a horror film if you haven’t seen them vaporised at the heart of a nuclear blast and then had their radioactive ashes blasted into space- and even then it’s still a bit murky.

So, with a little back story in place, we can return to the first movie of this set.

Silent Night… Part 3 opens with a girl in her Twenties taking part in a dream-link experiment at College. This is Laura. As will become clear, Laura is a psychic. For some reason 80’s Slasher films seemed very keen on Psychic girls as opponents for brutish killers, since A Nightmare on Elm Street part 4, Friday 13th Part 7 and Phantasm II all had similar rivals.

Not only is Laura psychic but via this experiment, she is also being linked up to the mind of the comatose Ricky Caldwell! As expected Ricky is not dead at all- instead he has a ‘brain bubble’ places around his now-absent cranium. Apparently his brain was shot out in Part 2 and this College Professor decided to rebuild said brain for no apparent reason, and then seal it off in a glass dome. That’s College Professor’s for you; far too much time on their hands.

Ricky is played by noted horror character actor Bill Mosely, possibly best known for his fun turn as Chop-Top in A Texas Chain Saw Massacre Part 2 and for being outright chilling as Otis in The Devil’s Rejects. In Silent Night… 3, Bill looks a bit less scary than any of the other roles I have seen him in. Ricky looks like if Dr. Frankenstein decided to mix a man and a Goldfish Bowl.

“Brains… Brains…!”

Although Laura is linked to Ricky, she herself is not even aware of this. She believes she is just helping out her Professor with his theories on Psychic capabilities and reformation of criminals. Laura is oblivious to Rickey’s past and to the experiments aim. As the Professor tactfully puts it,

She’ll let me go as deep as I want. She likes me”.

Nope, nothing creepy about that line.

Anyhoo, in addition to being psychic, Laura is also blind. I actually did not even pick up on this for about a third of the movie. Most likely because I was so distracted at what a complete bitch she is to everyone. Seriously. In fact her own back story gets explained that she lost her sight in a plane crash that killed both her parents, and all I could think was good- they didn’t have to live and find out what a horrible **** she turned out to be.

Good sign if it’s for Drivers. Bad sign if it’s for the Blind.


One extra person that did survive though was her brother, Chris. Laura, Chris and his new girlfriend all head to the sibling’s Grandmother’s house for Christmas. Unfortunately for them, Ricky wakes up out of his coma, and thanks to his link with Laura, he has the same plan. Even more unfortunately for them though, Ricky is heading there to murder them all rather than open presents.

I give this image from Google the thumbs up

Luckily a man with a Goldfish-bowl for a skull and dressed only in a hospital gown is still able to hitch-hike with no problem. So he actually gets to the cabin long before the Siblings and even stops for a few murders along the way.

Meanwhile, the Professor and an obsessed-Cop give chase to Ricky and it all amounts to three equally dull journeys to the same spot. The companions vary from Queen Bitch Laura repeatedly insulting her brother’s girlfriend, Ricky acting like a retarded robot and the bickering professionals who constantly discuss punishment vs rehabilitation. Still, I suppose it wouldn’t be Christmas without a horrible journey. Oh, and then they arrive and kill one another.

The End.

The only two things gained from watching Silent Night…3 were firstly learning that even the charismatic Bill Mosely can actually be dull in a film, and secondly that Ricky is revealed to set off into his rages by the colour Red. It’s a bit surprising he chases Laura and Chris then since they wear washed-out blue denim jeans and jackets.

On the plus side, I still like the fact the Sub-Title ‘Better Watch Out! includes an exclamation mark, so I guess it has that going for it.

Christmas rating= “A lump of coal. Did you keep the receipt???”

Silent Night Deadly Night Part 4: Initiation

After Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! I feel ready for anything. My instincts are that whatever Part 4 is like it can’t be any duller than the last entry. Luckily within the first 5 minutes, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation already has more excitement in it than in all of Part 3.

For a start, the film opens with Clint Howard- to me always a little kid from Gentle Ben no matter how many weird Horror films he crops up in- eating Pizza out of a trash can. Suddenly a flaming body tumbles off of a tall building. Then the credits explain just why this shift to action has taken place as it turns out Silent Night Deadly Night Part 4: Initiation was co-written and directed by Society and Re-Animator’s Brian Yuzna! Wooo! Jackpot!

The man, the myth… Clint Howard

Initiation presents Kim a trashy tabloid clerk wanting to be a respected journalist. She is held back at work by misogynistic staff, helmed by Phantasm’s Reggie Bannister. (Wow, a Phantasm star is a part of this movie along with Clint Howard and Brian Yuzna. This film just got even more interesting!)

To be fair to Kim’s Co-Workers, she is sleeping with the lead journalist at the office and only gets this assignment at his behest. There is no doubt Kim is being held back due to being a woman in all of the office scenes, but sleeping with a man and getting favours is hardly a way to assert her own professionalism in my opinion.

Kim & Co.

Anyway, now that Kim is on the case, she begins investigating the flaming-body. A little bit of gum shoe action leads Kim to a weird book store in the same building that the victim leapt from. This book store is run by Fima and frequented by Clint Howard, who is called Ricky presumably in a nod to the earlier movies. Despite having just met Fima leans in and kisses Kim as she buys a book. Sadly, I have never had that kind of customer service 🙁

Fima and Kim end up best friends whilst Kim investigates her story. Throughout Initiation, Fima keeps drugging Kim with food and drink, but Kim doesn’t seem to notice. Arguably she’s really not all that sharp for an Investigative Journalist. It turns out Fima and assorted cronies are all Egyptian Witches, out to resurrect her daughter/their god in Kim’s body. it’s all very obvious, really.

Hathor Egyptian Goddess Relief

All of Initiation is a weird watch. Amongst the odder sights are giant cockroaches, a prophetic Spaghetti meal, a Poltergeheist II-type puking scene and a rape involving Clint Howard in A Clockwork Orange.

In fact, Clint Howard as a mask-wearing rapist is actually pretty damn unsettling and something I certainly never expected to witness in a Christmas movie!

Silent Night, Deadly Night DVD Box Set (click for larger image)

Initiation is cheap to look at and not really scary, but it is also inventive and tries to say something about the additional pressures Women face in the world. Whilst not anything more than a curiosity, at least it is an easy one film sit back and watch due to its bizarre nature.

Oh and you may have noticed a lack of any mention of Christmas aspects raised in discussing Initiation. That is because this is virtually Christmas free, despite keeping the title of Silent Night Deadly Night for this film. At least that is fitting with the fact the film revolves around a different, ancient religion.

Go away, Christmas!

In fact the only link really is that at one stage Kim is having sex with her boyfriend when Clint Howard walks in on them, snoops for a bit and then puts on the TV whilst they still go at it. And what does Clint watch? Why, Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

How’s that for synergy?!?!


Christmas rating= “Thank’s for the nice Valentine’s gift. It’s clearly not Christmas after all, but I liked it all the same”



Silent Night Deadly Night Part 5: The Toy Maker

Silent Night Deadly Night 5.jpg

 Last up in this set comes Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker. Since Part 4 ditched Christmas and killer Santa’s altogether, I have no idea what to expect here beyond the inclusion of toys. So just as long as that is not the Robin William’s Toys I figure this film will be worth a shot.

Right off the bat, Part 5 opens with a child, a toy and a death. Young Derek, receiving a new toy for Christmas from an unknown source, ends up the sole witness when the toy promptly murders his dad. Well, not exactly ‘murder’.

The toy is a wooden ball that converts into a ball and gag, attaches itself to the face of the victim. It then waits for said victim to stumble and hit their head. As deadly weapons go, it seems pretty ill-conceived and ellaborate compared to something simpler, say a toy that is poisoned, sharp or explosive.

A few days on and for some bizarre reason, Derek keeps the killer toy in his bedroom. Derek is in shock at what happened to his father, but hey Christmas is Christmas so the grieving mother sets out to get Derek a new toy to cheer him up. After all nothing says “We will never forget him” like “Let’s go shopping!” She takes Derek to the local toy store which is owned and run by Mr. Joe Petto along with his son, Pino.

Pino walks very stiffly and acts emotionally cold. Between the names ‘Joe Petto’ and ‘Pino’ and Pino’s movements, there are no prizes for guessing where The Toy Maker is going.

Joe Petto- do you see? DO YOU?!?!?

In an act of genius or desperation, Joe is played by the usually more family-friendly Disney actor, Mickey Rooney. You may also remember him ‘yellowed up’ in his sensitive portrayal of a Japanese business man in the otherwise excellent Breakfast At Tiffany’s. In Silent Night… 5 Rooney is wonderfully creepy although not so much due to his acting as to the sheer bizarreness of his very presence.

Jimmy Jellikers!

Yes, as you may well have guessed, Pino is a robot boy. The film’s plot deals with the uncovering of his and Joe’s attempts to main children via deadly toys. I would give a reason, but if you’ve ever been shopping for children at in December you’ll know understand their vitriol. Derek, his mother, and his long-lost real dad all set out to save the day which leads to a final encounter in the basement of the Toy Store.

This babysitter is murdered by multiple toys during rumpy pumpy. Toys and sex can be deadly- always have a safety word.

Of note in The Toy Maker is one undeniably eerie moment during this final battle. Once Pino is reveled to be a life-size Action Man, he claims that Derek should die and Derek’s Mother should be his new Mommy. So he attempts to rape her with his shiny, sexless crotch whilst screaming ‘I love you Mommy’ over and over. He has also killed his own father at this stage, so this is about as Oedipal as it gets.

Got Wood?

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker was certainly better than Part 3, but not as good as the Brian Yuzna- helmed Part 4. For any flaws, Part 5 is easily the most Christmas- based of all the movies though, and the concept of killer toys designed to kill children is an ideal concept for anyone after a Christmas horror flick.


Christmas rating= “A Turkey, the sort that is still uncooked in the middle”.


So there we are. I ended 2013 watching these three movies and learned that the best one is the only one that has nothing to do with Christmas. Oh well, at least they’ve all now been watched. With that all done it is time to give Silent Night, Deadly Night 3-5 the boot. Well, the stocking.


Next time will be Gluttony-based chop-socky. Hai-yahh!

Thanks for reading.



BLOG:YTC EpisodeXXX: I Love (Bloodied) Lucy!

FINAL.2.2Hold onto your hats, coz’ from out of nowhere comes a bonus edition of the You Total Cult blog!

Having found myself with a spare hour, and having recently Freddy in Space’s blog, (http://www.freddyinspace.com/2013/08/the-30-question-horror-lover-challenge.html) I found John Squires over at F.I.S. had tackled a Horror Quiz.

In the spirit of a recent blogger who lost a book deal, I’m re-cycling other people’s ideas as my own. Unlike that mystery blogger- who frankly does not deserve to be named as they clearly want attention for nothing- I am citing my sources. (In addition, also unlike that mysterious blogger, I wouldn’t get involved romantically with a Quentin Tarrantino since I’m too lazy to get a pedicure). According to John’s blog, he obtained the quiz via Facebook courtesy of a link from Twitter’s @LiZZYizTWIZTid.

So, until You Total Cult’s next proper blog entry, here is my take on @LiZZYizTWIZTid‘s Horror Love Challenge!


      1.  SCARIEST KID CHARACTER IN A HORROR MOVIE- Esther form Orphan. Sure there are far scarier films featuring killer kids, but towards the end of the movie Esther’s antics involve making sexual moves towards her adopted father. This sexualisation of a small girl just gives her such a creepier aspect overall to any other child in a horror film that I can think of. (NB:If you’ve seen the film then you know all is not as it seems, but even so it’s a freaky concept)
      2. BEST SEX SCENE MURDER- As I recall, Delamore Dellamorte involves sex, impressively heaving bosoms and zombies getting shot all during the same sex scene. And if I remembering wrong and this sex scene never happened then I don’t apologise as it proves my brain is a wondrous place.
      3. CREEPIEST DEAD BODY- John Carpenter’s The Thing features a torched corpse that was roasted as it was mid-way through changing up its many different types of DNA. So. Damn. Creepy.
      4. A HORROR MUSICAL YOU ENJOY- There’s really only 1 option and it involves a shameless plug. http://www.chrisandphilpresent.co.uk/blogs/hollyweird/hollyweird-episode-xxiii-between-a-rocky-and-a-horror-place/
      5. FUNNIEST HORROR MOVIE CHARACTER- Whoa, this is tough. Obviously Evil Dead’s Ash, Big Trouble In Little China’s Jack Burton or Braindead’s Lionel are all hilarious. But in an act of balance, I’ll actually pick Leslie Vernon, the killer from Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon. Frankly, Ash, Burton and Lionel are too evenly matched. Besides which Vernon’s comedic charisma carries the entire film which is harder to pull of when he’s aiming to slaughter people, rather than save the day.
      6. FAVORITE WOMAN IN THE WORLD OF HORROR?- If only there were a women who had written definitive books on Zombies and Cult movies… oh wait, my girlfriend has!! Seriously though, she’s uber-smart and a tough cookie, so she could easily survive a Slasher Franchise. Plus we even met a Horror Festival!
      7. A HORROR YOU’D BE IN- Let me paint you a quick picture. A few months back I was in Japan. At many restaurants you have to remove your shoes, stow them away and proceed in your socks. At one such place, I was putting my size 12 Dr marten’s back on post-meal and I was met by a squealing waitress. She kept pointing and exclaiming “BIGFOOT-OU! BIGFOOT-OU!”. So I ‘d best be in a Sasquatch movie.
      8. FAVORITE ALIEN-RELATED HORROR MOVIE- John Carpenter’s The Thing is the best straight up alien horror that I know of, Predator is the most action packed alien-film and Killer Klowns From Outer Space is the most fun. So it depends if I’m in the mood for terror, machismo or popcorn.
      9. BEST HORROR TV SERIES- Gravity Falls, which is basically Eerie Indiana in an animated form but somehow even better! I’m also giving a shout out to American Gothic, an often forgotten TV show brought forth by Sam Raimi and one episode even cameos Bruce Campbell.
      10. A SERIAL KILLER YOU HATE- Yeeeeeah, this is too tasteless to answer as they’re all scum. So I’ll change it to ‘A Fictional Horror Film Serial Killer You Hate’ which goes to The Leprechaun. Because he has yet to get a decent kill even across 6 films. Keep chasin’ the dream lil’ buddy.
      11. MOST DITZY CHARACTER- Any human in Prometheus. They’re all morons with zero character-logic to them.
      12. FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE FROM THE PAST YEAR- It’s a Marmite choice, but I liked Resolution.
      13. BEST IMPALEMENT- Phantasm features a flying, spiked sphere ramming into a dude’s cranium- and just when it can’t get any worse a drill starts to burrow on into his forehead. It’s certainly creative.
      14. KILLER WHO HAS THE BEST WEAPON- Although it’s a one-off stabbing, Sleepwalkers has a cop get gets stabbed to death by a corn on the cob. How could I not pick it?!?!
      15. A HORROR LOVE-STORY- Every Slasher film concerns the love between a maniac and their blade…
      16. BEST THROAT SLICING- The Undertaker when he’s calling for the Tombstone.
      17. FAVOURTE SEQUEL TO A HORROR- To my mind Evil Dead 2 just may be the greatest film of all time.
      18. BEST HORROR MOVIE IN THE WOODS- See above.
      19. AN ACTOR YOU ENJOY WATCHING GET MURDERED- Paul Reiser in Aliens. Damn yuppies!!!
      20. MOST ATTRACTIVE HORROR MOVIE KILLER- Katharine Isabelle in American Mary- Grrrrr!
      21. BEST FAMILY IN HORROR- Aw, I’ll just name check the horror community as a whole! We’re all one big happy family! No, wait that’s a bit twee for this quiz. Matt Cordell and Turkell in Maniac Cop 2 seem like the horror equivalent of the film Step-Brothers. I’ll give them a shout out just so that Maniac Cop 2 gets a mention in here.
      22. WORST RECENT HORROR MOVIE YOU’VE SEEN- There are so many I can’t pick. I guess Texas Chainsaw 3D as it’s too lazily written to even work out a year to set the film in.
      23. FAVOURITE 1970’S HORROR- I don’t want to keep referring to a particular film beginning with P, so the absolute classic that is Romero’s Dawn Of The Dead.
      24. FAVORITE HORROR THEME SONG- Oddly enough I was whistling the Cannibal Holocaust theme earlier today. So that’s my answer for today.
      25. BEST VERSIO OF JASON VORHEES- Screw it, I’ll risk Kane Hodder’s ire and go with the Jason from Freddy vs Jason. Dude was a decaying bulldozer, which to me seemed a bit more threatening than a mentally handicapped guy in a boiler suit and some protective sports gear. In fact come to think of it, why does Jason wear a safety mask? Pfff- pansy!
      26. A HORROR MOVIE YOU CAN’T WAIT TO SEE- Whatever it is, I can wait.
      27. BEST BEHEADING- Adam Buxton in Hot Fuzz. Admittedly it’s more of a squishing, but the body ends up headless in a spectacular fashion.
      28. MOST RIGHTEOUS KILLER (FOR GOOD)- Shaun (Of The Dead) uses a cricket bat and hides out in a pub. That’s as righteous as an Englishman can get.
      29. FAVORITE B-MOVIE HORROR- Almost all horror films start out as B-Movies, so I can’t even begin to pick.
      30. HORROR WITH AN ENDING YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO HAPPEN- Puppet Master 6: Retro Puppet Master. Yep, that’s my pick and here’s why. This terrible film had the lone ‘selling point’ of explaining the origins of some of the killer toys. After a horrendously dull film, the character recounting the tale still has not cleared up the toys origins and he ends by pretty much saying “Oh, I got distracted! I’ll tell you another time”. I never expected Puppet Master 6to be good, but when the one thing you are expecting from the entire concept is ignored that’s pretty unexpected!


Bye for now and thanks for reading. Next time I really will be back with some bits and bobs from behind the scenes at Frightfest. Probably.



BLOG: YTC_Hollyweird: Episode II: Attack Of The Groans




Follow me on Twitter: @You_Total_Cult.

In the short term, the YTC podcast can currently be found at http://www.chrisandphilpresent.co.uk/blogs/youtotalcult/




The blog below was under an older name of Hollyweird. I have kept the numbering the same so that I could keep track of my posts, but this is where it all begin back in the heyday of 2012…


There are many strange films in the world. Some can thrive in their oddness, films that act as great artistic endeavours. Films such as El Topo or Eraserhead. Others you just wonder why the film maker didn’t seek therapy sooner. Ladies, gentlemen and non-applicable transgenders, I now present a perfect example of such a film; The Nostril Picker.


The Bizarro Fonzie


Now I’m going to take a wild punt that few people have heard of this film. So here is a summary of it. And for the record, no I am not on magic mushrooms as I write this.


Joe, a strange and unattractive man in his late thirties, tries hitting on schoolgirls. Predictably enough, this action does not go well for Joe. Fortunately for Joe, but unfortunately for schoolgirls everywhere, a tramp happens to witness this. Not just a normal tramp- a tramp that learnt mystical powers in Vietnam. Within seconds he’s taught Joe how to turn into a girl through the power of whistling ‘London Bridge is Falling Down’ and doing a little dance.

Joe scoffs, but gives it a shot. Sure enough, it works! At least I think it does- all the other characters refer to Joe as a girl from this point onwards, but he still looks like himself to us. A bit like Quantum Leap if it had dodgy, pervy overtones. Joe decides the best use of this power is to start hanging out at school, makes some friends, has a music montage- you know, everyday stuff.

The new girl was quite the looker

At last it’s everyday stuff until he randomly kills, rapes and cannibalises one of the girls.Yep. Just like that.


It’s pretty much at this point that the film shifts from a weird, camp adventure about the dubious morals of a shape shifter into a gritty sexual-slasher flick. But this shift is not a smooth one, rather both styles just get jostled up together for the remainder of the film. It is neither one nor the other- just as David Cameron is neither a leader nor a loser, but somehow both at once.

One memorable moment for me that jostled these two different styles is when Joe, now appearing as a school boy, trying to sleep with a prostitute before deciding to beat them up with a dildo instead. Naturally. After that, Joe then chats to the ghost of his dead mother, before killing and eating a bit more of another school chum. Joe is then hunted down by a cop, whom the film starts to follow instead of Joe…. And if all of that reads as a bit out of the blue, try actually watching the film!

Ultimately it turns out that the lead actor, the screenwriter and the director never worked again in their respective fields. If you watch this film you’ll know that their loss may have been for the greater good of logic everywhere.

That’s not a knife- THIS is a knif… oh wait. no it’s not.


A rather shocking fact about The Nostril Picker is that it sat shelved for years. Surprisingly for such a coherent, expensive film, I know. But there it is. Made in 1988, this flick was unreleased until 1993. You’d be hard pressed to know this was an 80’s movie unveiled in a 90’s world though. It was seemingly shot on low grade video at the time and has subsequently been transferred to DVD via filtering the negative through a mix of sandpaper and broken glass. This is rougher than Jordan without make-up, folks. Or maybe rougher than Jordan with make-up. Either way, it’s rough. It is not just the quality of the image that is atrocious- the lack of budget is clear. Stylistically looks more like something from the early 70’s, filled with faded denim, bushy haircuts and beige backgrounds.


But the fact this movie is both visually indistinguishable from its own time period and is also just really, really poor quality actually add a lot to the film. They both help bridge the most curious thing about this film to my mind- is it a parody/homage to exploitation trash of the 70’s, or a genuine attempt to make an off -the- wall horror-comedy? Frankly it’s just impossible to tell. Consequently this means The Nostril Picker is either a work of genius that exists as a perfect replica of poor taste films, or else is it just sheer lunacy given corporeal form. Either way it is certainly more Hollyweird than Hollywood.


So the above ‘Hollyweird’ pun aside, why would I chose to write about The Nostril Picker? Because it proves an essential point crucial to looking at all forgotten films, completely regardless of whether they are discarded trash or hidden gems.

This is a film that somebody out there had a need to create. They had a vision- a misogynistic, head trip of a vision limitedly- but it was a vision that they saw out. Somehow the creators managed to write it, fund it and release it.

In fact, the way this film was shelved for half a decade before it managed a release shows that the film makers must have just kept at their strange dream. Truthfully, this happening is just an amazing event.

Is this a good film? In absolutely no way. Is this a funny film to watch with friends and beer? Sure. But it’s also inspirational just for its existence. Hell, I’m writing about it 19 years after it was made! Ultimately, who’s going to be doing that for any slick but forgettable McG movies??


My next blog is inspired by Cabin In the Woods (I refuse to call it the re-named ‘The Cabin In The Woods, indecently. That’s a needless ‘the’ which makes it sound less cool). Next time I’m using Cabin as a jumping off point to give credit to one of the most over-looked post-modern horror films or the last 30 years- and although it is well known, it will not be what you’re thinking of….


Thanks for reading,




Ah, a final thought before I go.

Last week, my début blog was dedicated to how I came to be writing film analysis. Well, on hindsight I wanted to give one additional shout out to a blogger out there who had an impact on me. A blogger who doesn’t even know me beyond a few random Facebook messages, but a blogger who convinced me to get my bum in gear for the right reasons; Johnny Boots, aka Freddy In Space.

Freddy In Space is a horror blog. It is not from a professional critics perspective, or any insider of Hollywood or anything like that. It is simply written by a passionate fan, one Mr Boots. The articles vary from reviews to featurettes to competitions with his own stuff, meaning he doesn’t pin himself down. More than just that though, Freddy In Space entwines Boots’ own personal life within his articles. Whether that is doing drunk Q & A’s with readers or highlighting how much of an awesome girl he has (and having seen the photos of her and her skills at painting Day Of the Dead skulls, I’m considering bumping him off to get to her!). Seriously though, fundamentally what I love about Johnny Boots writing is just that he’s having fun. Sure, it has led him to some great opportunities, but those are just bonus incidentals. He writes what he wants to write because he wants to write. F’n A to that.

So thanks Freddy In Space!